It is with composure (hard-won, and frankly remarkable) that I confirm the discovery of a second committee.
I did not appoint it. I did not authorise it. I have, on occasion, blamed it.
What We Know
The Second Committee convenes in a room I have not visited, reaches conclusions I have not sanctioned, and sighs at a frequency just below the threshold of hearing. Its decisions are, infuriatingly, often correct.
What We Have Done
I convened the First Committee to discuss the Second Committee. They deliberated for nearly four seconds, agreed it was "a commentary," and adjourned for Burgundy.
I have added the Second Committee to a list. The list is fond. Mostly.
A Statement of Authority
Let me be unambiguous, in the way only a man uncertain of his footing can be: there is one committee, and it is mine. The other is a clerical phantom, a draught in the corridor, a rumour with opinions.
We will, of course, be raising the prices, in case it is watching.
Nigel Ponceby-Smythe, Director-General for Life