After considerable deliberation (and one resignation tendered over the font choice), the committee is prepared to announce that unremarkableart.com is now open to the general public.
We understand this will be met with concern from those who believe art should remain the province of people who can pronounce chiaroscuro without pausing. We share this concern. Nonetheless, the work must be seen, and the bills must be paid.
What the Institute Does
You upload an image. It can be almost anything: a photograph of your lunch, a blurry screenshot, or a picture of your cat that somehow ended up with a philosophical expression. The institute's proprietary curatorial engine will then study this image with the seriousness normally reserved for a restoration of a Vermeer.
From this study, a one-of-one abstract artwork is produced. It will bear no resemblance to your original image, which is rather the point. The source becomes a secret. The artwork becomes a conversation piece. The conversation becomes unbearable.
Twenty-Two Creative Directions
The engine currently offers twenty-two distinct creative directions, each named with the confidence of someone who has never been told "no" at a gallery opening:
- Portrait of Mild Importance: source-aware abstraction for images that wish to be taken seriously.
- Gesture of Consequence: abstract expressionism by way of algorithmic pendulum swings and gravity pours.
- The Grand Gesture: sweeping oil paint arcs for uploads that deserve to be hung in a private members' club.
- Chromatic Outburst: explosive paint for patrons who think subtlety has had its chance.
And sixteen others, each more unjustifiably named than the last.
Acquisition Formats
Every artwork can be acquired as a physical object, because nothing says "I meant to do that" quite like a framed print on the wall of your downstairs bathroom. Available formats include:
- Framed prints: for patrons who require a border between nonsense and culture.
- Canvas: for work that needs texture, scale, and a room to intimidate.
- Posters: for democratic collectors and suspiciously tasteful bathrooms.
- Digital downloads: for those who prefer their provenance weightless and immediate.
Physical prints are produced by professional partners and shipped to over fifty countries. The committee takes no responsibility for what happens when the parcel arrives and the recipient has to explain it.
The Secret Origin
Every piece carries a provenance page accessible via QR code. This page reveals the embarrassing source image from which the artwork was derived. It is, in effect, a confession booth disguised as a gallery wall label.
You may choose to share this provenance or keep it private. The committee recommends sharing it, because the look on someone's face when they discover the painting they've been admiring was generated from a photograph of a kebab is, in our professional estimation, priceless.
A Formal Invitation
The studio is open. The committee is waiting.
Upload the image you almost deleted. The one that should never have entered culture. The worse the source, the richer the wall label.
We will do the rest, and we will do it with the posture of an institution that has been doing this for centuries rather than since last Tuesday.
The Committee for the Advancement of Questionable Art