The Institute is delighted to announce a rare opening in our Provenance Office. We are seeking an exceptional candidate to fill a position that is, in the strictest sense, occupied, imaginary, and not accepting applications.
The Role
The successful candidate will be responsible for authenticating the origin stories of works generated from photographs of, among other things, a kebab, a wall stain, and a dog mid-walk. Duties include:
- Maintaining a straight face while issuing a certificate.
- Defending the phrase "Edition 1 of 1" in social situations.
- Reporting directly to Nigel, who is also the candidate, who is also the panel.
Requirements
- A demonstrable history of taking unserious things seriously.
- The ability to pronounce oeuvre (see prior guidance).
- No expectation of payment, recognition, or eventual escape.
Benefits
There are none, but they are described beautifully. The position offers "exposure," "purpose," and "a desk near the kettle." These benefits are not transferable, redeemable, or real.
How to Apply
Do not. The role has been filled by Nigel, who interviewed strongly, negotiated nothing, and began immediately. We thank all candidates, none of whom applied, for their interest, which they did not express.
Human Resources, a department consisting of a single overworked imagination